“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.” – Adrienne Gusoff

The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”

Make milkshakes they said, the boys will come to your yard they said.

I look at people sometimes and think. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”  –  Raymond Duncan

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost?

Hi Honey, I’m just calling to let you know I did nothing today. Nope, not even dinner. Ok, byeee!

I have everything in my purse you could possibly imagine except money.

“The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” – Coleridge

If you look in the mirror when your eyes are shut, it’s like watching yourself when you’re asleep.

Have you posed by a naked statue today? No, your garden gnome doesn’t count

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” – H. Jackson Brown

How to please a woman: Love her. Die for her. Take her to dinner. Miss the game for her. Buy her jewelry. Be interested in what she has to say.
How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

I like rumors. I find out so much about me that I didn’t even know.

You know we're close if you see the selfies I don't like.

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

“Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.” – Woody Allen

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.