Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think… Damn, he is one lucky man.

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

“I think I’m getting sick.” The most dreaded words a wife can hear from her husband.

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

When Instagram was down, I ran around town shouting “like” at flowers, dogs, and expensive brunches.

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” –  Bill Cosby

A good friend is like a box of chocolate…sweet, nutty, & a good remedy for a bad day!

I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time? – Will Smith

Every 60 seconds, there’s a bitch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.

I like rumors. I find out so much about me that I didn’t even know.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.” – Adrienne Gusoff

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

Some supermodels are gonna feel really worried about their jobs when they see this.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.