Summer is here. I’m in the process of moving all my bad habits outdoors

If at first you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t your sport.

Think of how stupid the average person is. And realize half of them are stupider than that.

A preview of my life. This is not the whole movie. P.S.: if you wanna get behind the scenes just head to my stories.

It’s hard being the brain and the looks in the relationship, but I always pull through.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot todo.

“Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.” – Judith Viorst

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spreads less than my life.

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!

Friendship isn’t about who you know the longest. It’s about who walked into your life and said I’m here for you.

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.

Best friends. Because of anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.

Got a new phone today, my old phone failed the swimming test.

You know that feeling when the really cute girl walks by in the mall, and you smile, try to be smooth, and take a drink of tea, and run the straw up your nose?

Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.