The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.

“I’d hate to get to the end of my life and think “I could have eaten that!”

You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.

“My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.” – Calvin Trillin

“Live in such a way that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” – Will Rogers

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers because I can always count on them

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

Today is my birthday but I'll take gifts whenever.

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me.

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

“If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.” – Benjamin Franklin

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

I asked the corporate wellness officer, “Can you teach me yoga?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.