There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers because I can always count on them

“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked.” – Leann Rimes

I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive. – Coco Chanel

I may be an asshole but at least I know the difference between you and you’re.

Make milkshakes they said, the boys will come to your yard they said.

My teacher pointed to me with his ruler and said: “At the end of this ruler there is an idiot!”…”I got detention after asking which end!

if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

Never let a man treat you like anything less than Beyoncé.

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.

I used to have functioning brain cells but I traded them in for children.

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.

Every 60 seconds, there's a girl posting a positive message that she doesn't live by.

“I think I’m getting sick.” The most dreaded words a wife can hear from her husband.

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.