There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not strong enough. Funny enough. Smart enough.

“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale.” – Zig Ziglar

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Did you say pancakes?!My bed is a magical place. As soon as I jump into it, it reminds me of all the things I haven’t yet completed.

When you feel she is wrong, slap yourself and read rule number 1 again.

Old enough that I need a filter on this photo.

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Emma Bombeck

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.

You don’t have to be crazy to be my best friend, but if you’re not, you probably wouldn’t want to be friends with me anyway.

No girl will choose six-pack over six cars so stop going to the gym and go to work.

You have to love yourself, first, before anyone else can love you

Don’t expect a woman that has no money to think negatively and never expect a man loaded with cash to think positively.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Funny how just when you think life can’t get any worse, it suddenly does.

On our anniversary, I want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed annoying you all this time and how excited I am to keep doing so in the future.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you belong to a zoo.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.