There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies.

Not all girls are made of sugar and spice, and everything nice. Some are made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.” – Milton Berle

“Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.” – Thomas Sowell

“Things worth having are worth waiting for.” – Me, preheating the oven.
Diet tip: Don’t.

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

“If you want a baby, have a new one. Don’t baby the old one.” –  Jessamyn West

Mirror: you look amazing today. Camera: No, you don’t.

Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.

“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” – Willie Sutton

As long as my bank account keeps growing, I couldn’t care less about anything else.

Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

Marriage is 5% love, 5% compromise, and 90% knowing when you’ve already lost an argument and just folding the laundry for once, Ted.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.