This is the exact kind of couple post that single me would have rolled my eyes at.

That awkward moment when you're wearing Nikes and you can't do it.

Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.

“Those proud of keeping an orderly desk never know the thrill of finding something that they thought irretrievably lost.” – Helen Exley

“Posting this to make everyone else feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.”

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

“Send in the rescue dogs (preferably the ones with kegs around their necks).”

My boss asked me to roundup 17 employees pronto. So I said, “20.”

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner

My friends are the family I chose. And I’ve regretted that choice ever since.

I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me.

“My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny

We just promise to put up with each other’s annoying habits forever.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.