We’re going to make a cute old couple. At least I hope so because we’re not looking too great right now.

Just pretend there’s a funny caption here, like this, and we’ll never speak of it again.

A good friend is there to bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting next to you in the cell.

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, every Saturday he and his friends will load up beer and go fishing.

“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children.” –  Susan Savannah

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not really your friends.

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.

“If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” -Confucius

It is Priceless to find friends with same mental disorder.

People say go big or go home like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.

Sharing is caring. That’s why they always give me the last slice of pizza.

A preview of my life. This is not the whole movie. P.S.: if you wanna get behind the scenes just head to my stories.

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.