What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”

Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.

My dog is mad at me because they could smell another dog on my clothes.

When someone asks ‘where is your Christmas spirit?’ is it wrong to point to the liquor cabinet?

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Garner

“The more money you make the more problems you get.” – Christopher George Latore Wallace

“If you want a baby, have a new one. Don’t baby the old one.” –  Jessamyn West

Marriage is like a good cardio workout. If it’s never challenging, you’re probably not doing it right.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a cell phone

I know the voices in my head aren’t real. But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

If we learn from our mistakes, shouldn’t I try to make as many mistakes as possible?

You marry so that you can know each other and the process lasts for infinity.

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” – George Burns

It’s hard to find a friend who’s cute, loving, generous, caring, and smart. My advice to y’all is, don’t lose me.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

“I totally knew that creepy guy was behind me. Sure I did.”

Note: The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.