What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crocodile

Best friends. Because of anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.

I have let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he’ll see me.

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.

“Girl, you can’t get no infection in your booty hole! It’s a booty hole!” – Girls Trip

When I was little, I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.

As your best friend, I’ll always pick you up when you fall... after I finish laughing.

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

“Those proud of keeping an orderly desk never know the thrill of finding something that they thought irretrievably lost.” – Helen Exley

Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be. – Nora Ephron

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” –  Bill Cosby

Finding friends with the same level of crazy is priceless.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

Why you don’t consider my clever attitude in my serious photos

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.