When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to “Unstable”.

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson

“Live in such a way that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” – Will Rogers

“When people tell me, ‘You’re gonna regret that in the morning,’ I just sleep until noon. I’m a problem solver.”

“Send in the rescue dogs (preferably the ones with kegs around their necks).”

“Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do.” – Bettina Arndt

When people asked, “what do you do”? Answer: “What Ever it takes”.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner

“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked.” – Leann Rimes

“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle

I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through 47 walls, and haunt our enemies.

“If you are going through hell, keep going. Why would you stop in hell?” – Steve Harvey

I may look calm, but in my mind, I have killed you three times.

I have let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he’ll see me.

Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.