Who washed and waxed their truck in this lovely 32-degree weather? Yes, that’s right! Me!

You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers

I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

“You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys.” – Joel Osteen

I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.

I guess now is a bad time to say I’m not looking for anything serious?

I’d never been unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.

Summer is here. I’m in the process of moving all my bad habits outdoors

“Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.” – Thomas Sowell

My teacher pointed to me with his ruler and said At the end of this ruler there is an idiot! … I got detention after asking which end!

Posting lyrics on your status, hoping at least one person will read them and take the hint.

Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. – Kellie Elmore

I still don’t understand Instagram, but here I am anyway.

Today, you will get married, and I will eat cake. It’s a win-win for sure.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.