You can tell how much someone likes you by the number of times they show up in your selfies.

“Honey? Where’s my super suit?” – The Incredibles

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco

Wife: You told me you’d spend your whole life trying to make me happy.
Husband: I didn’t expect to live this long.

A good place to put inspirational quotes is up to your ass.

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles

Some days I amaze myself. Today is not one of those days.

“For a guy with a four-digit IQ, I must have missed something.” – Limitless

“It’s complicated—our drink order, that is. The relationship is great!”

What if the princess wants to be with Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her.

Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life, you can barely remember what life was like without them.

“When we got married, I told my wife ‘If you leave me, I’m going with you.’ And she never did.” — James Fineous McBride

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

These two make such a gouda couple. Now, point me in the direction of the charcuterie plate.

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

“The best things in life either make you fat, drunk, or pregnant. I might have accomplished all three.”

A wedding isn’t about a bride and groom. It’s about the party.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.