You don’t have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day

When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. – Rita Rudner

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Those who think it is not cool to be kind are cold-hearted

Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.

No girl will choose six-pack over six cars so stop going to the gym and go to work.

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes

I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope

Thinking I’m a moron gives people something to feel smug about. Why should I disillusion them?

Shutting the fuck up is gluten-free. Add that to your diet.

Nobody is hungrier than a child who’s told it’s time for bed.

“Don’t you find it a little bit (of a) coincidence that the body fell perfectly within the chalk outline on the floor?”

Don’t know where the kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time? – Will Smith

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.