You know we’re close if you see the selfies I don’t like.

These two make such a gouda couple. Now, point me in the direction of the charcuterie plate.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite remarkable.

Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.

People trying too hard to be cool often end up becoming a joke

If you listen carefully then the earth has a lot of music for you in store.

“Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.” – Thomas Sowell

Why don’t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than I was 7.

Remember when you were better than me ?.. Ans: ya neither do I.

The only time of year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.

Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?

“Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do somethin’ like this — and totally redeem yourself! Ha Ha!” – Dumb & Dumber

Marriage is finding the person who puts up with your shit, admires your weird little ways, and still says they love you at the end of the day.

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 93 of them

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Garner

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.